Depression

Who knew that depression can get to me?
I never knew that all of this can happen to be honest.

Sometimes I'll look at myself in the mirror. How far I've changed and how different I am mentally. I never wanted this to happen, but I guess the teenage hormones get to me, now look at me.

I get pissed whenever I can't do anything right, like I have to be perfect. Why? Because I feel so worthless right now, that if I make a single mistake I'll just tear up the whole word, the entire universe even.

Basically, in my head, all I can think about are negative thoughts, they're starting to eat me up. They're making me insane every minute, every second.

I can't stop listening to sad songs or even motivation songs, just trying to get my groove you know. I'm trying to get back on my feet, staying away from sharp objects that I can use to cut my skin over.

I can't say that I'm addicted to cutting or anything, but it just feels right. I know that you can't understand because you might not get through what I'm going through at the moment.

This is because of a broken heart but now it's something more. I don't care about the guy anymore, I just care about his reason on breaking up on me. I'm really pathetic.

Cutting

Cutting.

Self-harm.

Suicide. 

Those 3 things connect to each other. They're all caused because of depression or stress. You can never know what hides under that cheery smile. Fake smile.

No one really care what's inside, they only care about how you feel at the moment, at that day. The rest? They don't give a shit. 

It's ok if you cut, once or twice. Or even for days. But please consider it. I've cut before and to be completely honest, it felt great. I felt the satisfaction of feeling other pain than the depression or stress. Trust me. 

However, I also want to say that it disappoint me. I thought I was that strong and that I could resist those kind of things, but I wasn't. I was weak, fragile, and ready to explode any moment. Eventually I did. 

Revenge

Revenge.

Everybody craves for it.
Everyone definitely ever thought about it.
Doesn't matter how horrible it is, you just want to do it.
To make you feel satisfied.
No more pain in your heart.
You're free like a bird.

 This pain that you've felt for months,
You're tired of it.
You want to get rid of it.
But you can't.
You won't feel satisfied entirely.
Revenge,
Came up on your mind,
And you thought that it was the best thing to do.

No.
You're wrong.
There are other ways to solve this pain.
Talk about it DIRECTLY to the person that's been causing you pain.
Not, by making that person feel the same pain you feel.
That's just heartless, cruel, shame.
You didn't think of that did you?

Karma.
It does exist,
It just hasn't bully you yet.
Once it does, you're gonna regret everything you'd done.

The Past.
You can't forget it,
Heck you're crying about it.
STOP.
If you're letting the past get to you,
Then how will you live forward.
Look for the future & forget about the past.

Pain.
I know it's painful.
I KNOW how you feel.
Trust me. I do. 
The problem is, you won't listen to me.
Just try to shut your mouth,
Shut your feelings
And listen to me.

Evil.
All this pain, trust me it's making you become an evil human being.
You're furious, but it's because of yourself.
Control it.
Only you, yourself that can make you furious more than others can do.